it’s been a sh*tballs week. and not the good kind of “sh*tballs.” the deets aren’t important, but if you watch this video and imagine that my heart is sasha and my head is kent, you’ll get the gist.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gc-N72eDPck
in light of said shitballs-ness, coco did the responsible thing and went shopping. i decided to hit up an old love–the lotta stennson boutique–to get some much needed retail therapy. it’d been a long time since i’d been to her pretty boutique…and like a dalliance with an old lover, the familiarity was both calming and exciting. and truth-be-told, the bright colors, exotic prints, and lush fabrics might have made me a little clothes-randy.
retail nirvana
i quickly picked out four pretty dresses to try on in hopes that I would somehow be transformed into a demi-goddess (or at least marginally better than the dumpy frumpy puffy state that I had show up in) and enjoy a short reprieve from the aforementioned sh*tballsness.
while dress number one made me look like an orange version of the stay-puft marshmallow man, i soldiered on in hopes that dresses two through four may actually succeed in hiding my fupa-in-training. and lo-and-behold…pretty, flowy, kimono-esque dress number two did exactly that, and more.
i proudly proclaimed to the sweet boutique lady about how dress number two was perfect for my fabulous pretend life. you know the one where i go to posh art show openings all the time with my pretend french boyfriend françois (who spends equal amounts of time styling hair at the coolest salon in town, being the head chef at a celebrated restaurant, and worshiping me). this dress would also look faboosh with my pretend long hair that i effortlessly put in a “i’m smart and stylish and kinda perfect” bun for said events. oh, and in this imaginary life I don’t fall down a lot and definitely don’t swear like a truck driver.
so needless to say, i decided to go with the shirt version of the dress since it can be worn with jeans to a dive bar where i can meet an unemployed actor named frank who’s originally from peoria.
and it was that vision of my very real reality that got me cryingthinking. a few weeks ago i was b*tching chatting with my sister about my successfully unsuccessful search for mr. right. like any big sister, she immediately launched into one part yentl and two parts know-it-all. she eagerly advised me to write a list of all the things i want in my future husband and keep it safe. she informed me that two people close to us had done just that, and within a matter of months, the man of their list dreams manifested. while the east coaster in me wanted to vomit in my mouth, my angelino-in-training side of me was quite piqued with this approach.
especially if i could manifest this:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6582695/john-stamos-guide-to-cuddling
so as an homage to this idea, i’m dedicating this friday’s post to my future husband. and to the manifester of all good things/hot hunky rich guys…please note the omission of ‘ex’.
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dear husband,
i can’t wait to meet you! just like los angeles rail service, at times i’ve doubted that you really existed. and to be honest, i’m still skeptical about this urban legend called the LA metro. and while there have also been a few times that i was convinced we had met, it’s clear that i was wrong. oh, and by the way, i’m usually right…so you should know that at the onset as it’ll make both our lives easier.
ok, so here’s the good stuff. did you know that when i close my eyes and open my heart, i see you? ok, that sounded creepy…but hopefully you get my meaning cuz we’re soul mates and totally, like meant for each other. so back to my vision…i see that you are slightly older than me…or perhaps it’s your old soul. you’re worldly, but not obnoxious about it. you are giving and caring and those who know you call you “unselfish”. you are passionate about things that are important to you…preferably not comic books or gothic torture weapons….and your excitement is both infectious and sexy. I love that you care about those less fortunate (and help when you can), but you do not pity those with less. you are a smidge old-fashioned when it comes to opening doors and pulling out chairs but forward thinking when it comes to gender equity (and you think it’s kinda hot that i use terms like “gender equity”). you turn me on. you make me laugh…and even if you snort when you laugh once in a while I won’t care. you are handsome (i see dark wavy brown hair, hazel eyes and a tall, fit physique, which I guess people sometimes call tall, dark and handsome)…but you let me be the pretty one. you are a great conversationalist but an even better listener. you like people but aren’t afraid to be alone. you are confident but not crass. you may be french and have a sexy accent (but if you’re american, that’s cool too). you like to hold my hand and are proud to call me yours (and the feeling is mutual). you are both book and street smart. you ask me about my day and actually both care and listen to my answer. you are patient, but aren’t a push over. you inspire me. when i think about you at any given moment, i get butterflies. you willingly give me your most precious commodities…your time and your heart. we can fight about the merits of east coast rap over west coast rap and look forward to the best make-up s*x ever known to man (sorry, mom). you like to be silly. you want children…heck you may even have one…and will be/are a good, firm and caring father. you like to randomly pick up the phone to tell me a bad joke or that lindsay lohan got arrested today…again. you read my blog and actually think i’m kinda funny. you tell me when i’m wrong and out-of-line, but still make me feel loved. you are polite. you put up with my PMS and irish temper and lack of laundry motivation. you are a grounded spirit who has a propensity to dream. you like to buy me jewelry once in a while (and you don’t mind my periodic bouts of materialism). you love the way i love you. you are dependable, loyal and honest. you have a strong moral compass. you are a democrat. we are also friends who happen to be in love. you laugh when i trip on my own feet but always help me up. we are similar, but celebrate our differences. you support my work, my art, my values…and do so with a fierce loyalty (and i, of course, do so in return). you are successful but not defined by your job. you know loss and pain but are not ruled by it. you are not afraid of growth. we bring out the best in each other.
and most importantly, you are mine and i am yours.
love forever,
your coco
